Dear one,
I can’t believe you and I have spent 37 weeks together already. Time has flown by SO quickly! While I am so excited for you to make your entrance into this world, I am a little sad that our time in this phase of our lives is coming to an end. I’ve grown accustomed to your kicks and punches. Along with the heartburn, backaches and inability to sleep through the night. All of it has been worth it and in a lot of ways, all of these things I will miss because I know I can protect you so much more in there.
I hope you never have to fully understand this on a personal level, but you are our rainbow baby and I am so grateful for you. I wished, and prayed, and hoped for you for so long. I cried for you before you even existed. I worried about you for absolutely no reason in the beginning because I wanted us to reach this far and beyond so badly. There are very few people in this world that know just how badly I wanted you and how much I would give for your health. Each new milestone felt amazing and terrifying at the same time. Your daddy knows that this was my internal struggle for a good portion of the first trimester and I am so thankful that he was there to help me get through it.
We’ve come so far together and now your time is near. I can’t even put into words how I feel because somehow, it still feels like it was just yesterday that I found out you were even going to be a part of our future. I don’t know where these 37 weeks went, but I am so happy that they were spent with you. And I’m even more elated that soon, you’ll be a part of our lives in a whole new way.
I have so many hopes and dreams for you. Places I want you to see, things I want you to experience, and even things I hope that I can teach you. But even more so, I am so ready to learn about you. Your personality, your hopes and dreams, the places you want to see, the things you want to experience, and even the things you want to learn. And especially the things that you can teach me. You’ve already taught me so much without even trying and I know that you will continue to teach me how to be an even better person once you’ve made your debut.
Little one, I know I will make many mistakes with you. There’s no doubt in my mind that I will never be the perfect parent. But I promise I will try to learn from my mistakes. I will try and use the mistakes from my past, learn from them, and be the best version of myself for you as well. I may never be perfect, but I will always try harder to be better. I will always try harder to be the best version of myself for me and for you.
And know that I’m pretty sure your daddy feels the same way. While I’m more excited than nervous to meet you, I think he might be the opposite but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less. He just wants to be the best version of himself for you, too. I’ve never seen him stress so much about getting things done than he has these past few months and I know it’s all for you. Your daddy would give anything for you and he’s doing his best to give you everything he can before you’re even here.
We’re both excited for you to join our family and meet our furry babies as well. While I’m pretty sure Cosmo won’t be very fond of you for awhile, I’m sure he’ll come around. He’s a pretty happy cat overall – he just may need some time. And Sookie might be a little uncertain of you at first, but I know that eventually – you two will be the best of friends.
There’s one member of our family that you won’t be meeting, but I want you to know about her still. Our Meg’s time came while I was pregnant with you and I’m sure you were very well aware of how much that affected me. I worked hard to make the effects of that loss as minimal as possible on you, I promise. But the reason it hurt so much and the reason I bring her up now is because she really was man’s best friend. More specifically, my best friend. And I was so excited for you two to meet because I knew without a doubt she would be your guard dog from day one. But now, she’ll be watching over you from above while daddy and I watch over you from down here.
I know you’ll get hurt in this life, but in the words of one of my all time favorite songs:
Hope when you take that jump, you don’t fear the fall
Hope when the water rises, you built a wall
Hope when the crowd screams out, they’re screaming your name
Hope if everybody runs, you choose to stayHope that you fall in love, and it hurts so bad
The only way you can know is give it all you have
And I hope that you don’t suffer but take the pain
Hope when the moment comes, you’ll sayI, I did it all
I, I did it all
I owned every second that this world could give
I saw so many places, the things that I did
With every broken bone, I swear I lived
I love you, sweet girl. Before I’ve even truly laid eyes on you beyond a screen or a picture and before I’ve even got to hold your hand, I love you more than words can express. I can’t wait to be a part of your journey in life and to see you blossom.
Can’t wait to see you.
Love,
Me