I thought “why not? maybe this is the reason to my insanity the past few months during my entire lifetime.”
Sure enough, it described me perfectly. Just like cancer seems to describe me perfectly when I think I have a new mole and think that WebMD will solve the mystery and instead, makes me a full-fledged hypochondriac.
The reason I include my inane ability to link everything to cancer when I’m ill, or even potentially ill, is because I’ve been feeling this way my entire life. Everything I read through included things like “are you asking yourself when you’ll feel like yourself again?” or “when will life feel like it’s supposed to feel like?”
Been there, done that since I was a seven, thanks. And if that’s the case, I should be dead by now. So someone gave my grim reaper the wrong timeline or I just figured that fast-forwarding the impending uncertainty of my life was the cool thing to do when I should have been playing at the playground.
But as I was sitting there in my pajamas, playing hooky from my super overbooked to-do list and watching crappy Netflix movies as I searched for my answer – I realized something. Something way more profound than the answer to “are you feeling nostalgic for high school or college?” as well.
I realized that I’m only in crisis mode because I’ve let myself believe that it’s wrong. That there is a right way to feel and that I’m most definitely not feeling that. That somehow, I got the damn short end of the stuck and am left with all the crap cards.
And let’s face it: that idea is really contagious. Like even the idea of someone thinking about thinking it makes you catch it. It’s so easy to latch on to the idea that you’ve screwed up, that there’s no where else to turn, that you can’t change the path you’ve been following, and that you’re doomed to a life of eternal frustration.
I’ve grown up this way so I know how easy it is to find and hold on to like it’s the only thing keeping you afloat.
But it’s just not true.
You can change your mind. You can change your image. You can change your path, your journey, your beliefs, and everything else that surrounds you. You can uproot your life and replant it somewhere that it’s meant to thrive and blossom.
Your drastic changes may not be even remotely similar to mine, but you aren’t alone as this is my struggle, too.
For me, I don’t need to move to a new home or find a better partner or surround myself with good people. I’m blessed enough to have all these things. Instead, I need to change my destructive habits and let myself gracefully step out of my crisis zone before I completely fall out of it in major meltdown mode.
For me, my biggest hurdle is the things that I need to let go of. Things like:
The need to please everyone but myself first.
Exceptionally high standards that feel impossible to reach at times.
Goals that are there because I think they should be, not because I want them to be.
The inability to say no to opportunities.
Sticking to things that obviously just aren’t working for me anymore.
Feeling as if my dreams are too big, too bold, or too crazy to follow.
That what I’m experiencing is wrong and not just a part life that I can easily embrace.
And unfortunately the list goes on, and on, and on. But at the end of the day, these are things I’ve chosen. Emotions I’ve chosen. Bad habits that I’ve chosen. Goals that I’ve chosen. All of this was me. Regardless of what actions anyone else has taken, I’ve let myself become consumed by these things and that is the most beautiful thing about it.
Because if I chose it, I can unchoose (that’s totally a word) it.
So for me, the quarter life crisis isn’t really a thing. It’s been my way of living since I’ve really understood much of anything, and there was never a need for it to be considered a crisis until I felt like I was an adult that was supposed to have my shit figured out. But I don’t and I probably never will so I’m just going to embrace life and all of my indecisiveness because it feels right for me.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the quarter life crisis in the comments!
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